Living Among Meat Eaters: The Vegetarian’s Survival Handbook – Carol J. Adams, Three Rivers Press, 2001.
In choosing this particular book for November, we at CompassionateU have decided to highlight one particular compassionate lifestyle choice. As the holidays come rolling around again, discipline of any kind becomes challenging, and sometimes, this is okay. Loving life is important, and vegetarianism is one way that we can choose to honor life in all its forms.
Time for full disclosure. I still remember sitting, nervously and probably uncomfortably, in my oral examination in defense of my undergraduate thesis project. After a certain amount of time in discussion of the paper, which focused on feminist themes in George Eliot’s Middlemarch and Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, one of my readers looked up and mentioned an interesting book that he had read that he thought would have been relevant to my project. “Why haven’t you cited The Sexual Politics of Meat, by Carol J. Adams?” he inquired, as Adams’s book has a chapter on Frankenstein, feminism, and vegetarianism. In my undergraduate way, I’m certain that I flushed, but I went on to explain that while I found Adams’s work to be extremely interesting, I was currently dating her son, who was also a student at the college. All three of us in the room had a good laugh, and the evaluation went relatively well. What you all need to know is that Douglas and I have since been married, and Carol J. Adams has become my wonderful mother-in-law.
At the risk of being accused of a bias, I do want to call our attention to Living Among Meat Eaters. In this book, Adams puts forth a theory about why vegetarians are often goaded or harassed by meat eaters, and what we can do to compassionately counteract negative emotions. The most important point to take away here seems to be that while we, as vegetarians, see death in meat eaters’ diets, they see death in a vegetarian diet. They may view this as a death of choice, abundance or, perhaps most challengingly, as a death of tradition. The appearance of a vegetarian at the dinner table makes everyone think more critically than usual about dietary choices. For some, this provokes defensiveness or even cruelty. While it may be tempting to snap back angrily or defensively in turn, Adams advises vegetarians instead to deal patiently and compassionately with these situations while still maintaining care for our personal choices. Adams points out that the vegetarian is often cast as prey for predatory conversation, but emphasizes that we do not have to accept this role. Instead of viewing meat eaters as our antagonizers, can we start to view them as simply blocked? They are blocked from understanding our diets the way we do. We eat wonderfully, healthily, and happily. Rather than seeing our food choices as limitations, we can view them as offering what Adams calls “abundance.” This is an important distinction, especially around the holidays, when most people’s expectations of holiday meals revolve around a nice turkey, ham, or some other animal-based dish. What happens to the ritual when the piece determined to be its “center” is threatened?
Thankfully, Adams anticipates this difficulty. When we are expecting a houseful of meat-eaters for the holidays, what should we do? According to Living Among Meat Eaters:
How to Connect at Holiday Meals
◆ Indulge as many traditions as possible. It creates the feeling of continuity, affirms your connections, speaks to the trained appetite, makes you feel included. You won’t miss what is missing as much if you are enjoying everything possible.
◆ Ask yourself: Given the circumstance of the day, what would make my meal special?
◆ Make up a title to a recipe that can be specific to the even, like “Aunt Edna’s beans.” It inaugurates a tradition. Our mind is associative. It likes to put two and two together. Event-related titles for recipes speak to this associative desire. Then we simultaneously feed the person, feed the memory, and feed the mind. We prepare people for the following year, when we bring the same dish.
◆ Research your cultural heritage and find out what vegetarian foods have always been a part of it. That is exciting and surprising, since so many ethnic traditions could not count on a plentiful supply of meat. Cookbooks are a great help. You may not be eating the meat on the table, but you can remind your family what traditions you still accept and follow.
◆ If you are invited by a family member who already knows you are a vegetarian, simply say, “I’ll bring my famous hoisin tofu or my famous nutty salad.” With a host who is new to your diet, you can say, “I’m a vegetarian, but don’t worry about fixing something special. I would like to bring my famous sweet potato soup, tabouli, noodle salad, [etc.].” “Famous” helps establish its credibility as a dish.
Text reproduced with permission from the author.
Aside from the wealth of experience and information that this book allows the reader to glimpse, Adams provides a selection of her own famous recipes and favorites. Speaking from experience, I can attest to the deliciousness of the Tofu Pâté, Tempeh Salad Sandwich, Sourdough Waffles, and Gazpacho. As a breakfast food enthusiast, I also know that the “Best Scone Recipe In The World” lives up to its name, and the Soy “Buttermilk” Biscuits are a great quick treat on a lazy Saturday.
In language that is welcoming and clear, Adams’s work tackles challenging issues with a level of ease that her communication with vegetarians around the world have brought her. Though maintaining a positive stance in a world that is not always friendly to your own choices, Living Among Meat Eaters reminds us that others have been where we are, and vegetarianism can be a choice of abundance and compassion that will enhance our lives.
